Runs-with-obstacles

My uncle used to drink Moxie soda. Which tasted like melted horehound drops. Which taste like blackstrap molasses, I’m guessing. Which probably tastes like Ovaltine, which, if I recall puddles correctly, tastes like a mud puddle –on steroids. Not to put too fine a point on it, of course.

I suppose you’ll never believe, now, that I’m not fussy. I’m not, honestly — I just don’t like all the above, and lima beans (any beans). Which taste like that gritty floor my face landed on in the garage next door when Debbie and her friends organized a spooky Halloween *house,* replete with a bowl of intestines (spaghetti) that you stuck your hand into through a felt curtain. “An idiot getting rowdy in a nearly pitch-black area” pretty much describes my entire female coming of age.

People with moxie (chutzpah, zest) make me want to slap one of us. Like Cher slapped my bud Nick Cage in Moonstruck. I could never slap myself that hard, but someone else? Maybe. As long as I had a clear running path with obstacles to throw in his/her way.  When DH and I were attending Lamaze class, the nurse instructor said, “Your partner in labor is not herself, guys — she may just slap you.” DH remarked sotto voce, “If she slaps me, I’m slapping her right back.” Now, I wish I had slapped him — a brawl would’ve been more fun than labor.

Aren’t you glad, today, that you are you and not me?  I thought so. 🙂  Carpe Saturday!


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35 thoughts on “Runs-with-obstacles

  1. Funny, funny, funny…made my day even brighter!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. jackcollier7 says:

    Funny, brilliantly written, and probably full of meaning ~ if I could only understand what the meanings are supposed to mean. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Relax... says:

      Thank you ❤ Gracious, I wish I were smart enough to put meanings into this post. Nope, it's pretty much a frankfurter with yellow mustard– and hold the beans!!

      Like

  3. Thanks for writing this, I really enjoyed it.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. [whispers] I like horehound.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Gail says:

    Ha! This made me laugh out loud! I agree- a brawl would have been more fun than labor!

    Horehound drops…. oh had I forgotten all about those. My dad used to swear they had medicinal value and would give them to us for sore throats. I saw them in Cracker Barrel not long ago and was so tempted but didn’t. I seem to recall they tasted a little like licorice.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Relax... says:

      Glad you laughed 🙂 — thank you for saying so! Really, a brawl might be just what the doctor would’ve ordered, since ambulances are pretty close, as is the ER, there.. O merciful heavens, I WISH horehound drops tasted like licorice to me. I LOVE licorice. Do you remember (although you are years upon years younger than me) the Smith Bros. cough drops — one was black, but they also came out with cherry. And what was that chewing gum that tasted like licorice… shoot, I have the picture of the package in my mind with the name on it, but my thumb’s in the way..

      Like

  6. Oh my gosh! So funny! Hahaha! Bahaha! Melted what??

    Liked by 1 person

  7. loisajay says:

    “Snap out of it!” Two slaps! Oh, how I do love Moonstruck. DH–what a riot. Yes, you do need someone like him around when are having the worst pain you will ever have in your life. And men just don’t get it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Relax... says:

      Men don’t get it unless and until they have to pass a kidney stone. Or more. It’s similar (I am guessing) except that a kidney stone is not the bowling ball that my last child’s head was. Slap him? I shoulda murtalized him! I loved Moonstruck, too. 🙂 By gosh, I think I’ll see it again!

      Liked by 1 person

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